I’m 44 and have four kids. My 72-year-old father has been living with us, but his health has declined rapidly. He insists he won’t move to a nursing facility, so I took on the role of caregiver. It’s exhausting, especially juggling my own family’s needs. I asked him to contribute financially to the care, but he was furious, claiming it’s my duty as his child to care for him unconditionally. The pressure drains me, and I feel overwhelmed managing his care without any support or compensation.
One day, my husband told me to check our email urgently. I found out my father had secretly arranged and signed paperwork for nursing home placement. That same day, movers came and took out his belongings, including furniture he bought for our home and even my youngest’s treasured stuffed animal—a gift from my dad. He accused me of being selfish and said I deserved this treatment for refusing to care for him for free.
I feel torn. I love my dad but cannot bear the burden alone. I’m already raising four children, and full-time caregiving without help is breaking me. It’s painful realizing that nothing is free and that I need him to contribute for this to work. But he sees it as abandonment, and family tensions run deep.
I don’t think asking for help is unreasonable. I care deeply for my father, but I must set boundaries to protect my mental health and family’s well-being. This situation is heartbreaking, but I’m learning to stand up for myself while hoping my dad understands someday.