I just got back from what was supposed to be a dream vacation in Bali with my two closest friends, Kate and Mary, and their families. We’ve known each other since university, and this trip was meant to be a celebration of our long-standing friendship. My husband Jake and I are child-free by choice, while both Kate and Mary have young kids. We split the cost of a four-bedroom villa and agreed to share the space respectfully. Jake and I arrived early and waited to pick our room until everyone got there. We didn’t mind when they chose the ones with ensuites—we were just excited to relax.
Throughout the trip, Jake and I did a mix of couple activities and group outings. I even surprised Kate and Mary with spa treatments so they could unwind. But I started noticing subtle tension. Every time I ordered a drink, one of them would comment, “Oh, you’re drinking again?” It felt judgmental, especially since our husbands were drinking too. I brushed it off, telling myself not to let it ruin the vibe. But the real blow came on the last night. Jake and I planned to go out with the guys, and Kate and Mary said they’d stay in to pack. Suddenly, they asked me to babysit their kids so they could rest. I hesitated—I hadn’t signed up for childcare, and I wanted to enjoy our final night.
I politely declined, explaining that I wasn’t comfortable being responsible for their children, especially after a long day. They were visibly upset, and the mood shifted. We left for the evening, and I tried not to dwell on it. But once we got home, things escalated. Mary sent me a long message saying I’d “abandoned” them and ruined the trip. Kate chimed in, accusing me of being selfish and inconsiderate. I was stunned. I had gone out of my way to be generous and thoughtful, yet my refusal to babysit—something I never agreed to—was seen as betrayal.
Now, our friendship feels fractured beyond repair. I’ve been replaying everything, wondering if I could’ve handled it differently. But deep down, I know I set a boundary that was fair. Just because I don’t have kids doesn’t mean I’m automatically the designated babysitter. It hurts to lose friends over something like this, but maybe it revealed a deeper mismatch in expectations. I still cherish the memories we’ve shared, but I’m learning that protecting my peace sometimes comes at a cost.
