I’m 19 and live with my parents, my sister Ruth, who’s 24, and her 1.5-year-old daughter, Scarlet. Ruth isn’t the most involved mother; she often prioritizes her own needs over her daughter’s, leaving my parents and me to take on most of the caregiving. At this point, I’ve assumed a significant role in raising Scarlet because I want her to have the best life possible with positive influences around her. It’s not ideal, and I sometimes feel unappreciated, but I do it because I care.
One morning after Scarlet woke from her nap, she called for me, and I followed our usual routine: changing her, reading to her, then preparing a snack. While she was eating, Ruth came downstairs and saw I’d given Scarlet bananas. She immediately got upset, saying I shouldn’t feed her bananas because Scarlet would just mash them into the tray and create a bigger mess later. She told me it would “make her life harder” and even called me “annoying.” It felt unfair since I was just trying to care for my niece the best I could.
I told Ruth that if she had problems with how I was raising her daughter, then she should take over the responsibility herself. I added that realistically, she probably wouldn’t be the one cleaning up the mess anyway. This made her angry; she accused me of having no right to judge her parenting and said I didn’t understand how hard it is being a single mom. But from where I’m standing, it’s clear she’s largely absent, and I’m the one providing the real care Scarlet needs.
Looking back, I don’t think I was wrong for standing up for what I’m doing. Many people have told me that it’s normal for toddlers to explore food messily and that I’m doing a good job being there for my niece when her own mother isn’t fully present. I care about Scarlet and want what’s best for her, even if Ruth doesn’t always appreciate it. I just hope she eventually steps up, but until then, I’ll keep doing what I can because Scarlet deserves that much and more.
