Last week, my mother-in-law announced in the family group chat that this year, Christmas dinner would be at our new house. She never asked me or my husband if we were okay with it—she just assumed we would host because we recently bought a place. I was stunned. I work in retail, and the holiday season is my busiest and most stressful time of year. The thought of cooking for more than 20 people after long shifts was exhausting. I immediately replied, “Sorry, but we didn’t agree to host Christmas!” Before I could even process, my MIL called me “ungrateful” and insisted it was a family tradition for the youngest couple to host once they get a home. Suddenly, the whole family was siding with her, and I felt blindsided and furious.
Despite the backlash, I felt firmly about setting boundaries. Hosting such a large event isn’t just about cooking; it means cleaning, organizing, and managing family drama. It’s a huge commitment, especially during an already intense work period. I expected my husband to support me, but he stayed silent throughout the family chat, which made me feel even more alone. I explained clearly that I couldn’t take on this huge responsibility this year and that making assumptions without checking was unfair. Yet, some family members called me lazy and selfish, which only fueled my anger. I wasn’t asking to avoid responsibility—I was asking for understanding and respect.
I soon realized this wasn’t just about Christmas dinner. It was about control and respect within the family dynamic. My MIL’s insistence and the pressure put on me showed a lack of appreciation for my circumstances. While traditions are important, they should never come at the expense of someone’s well-being. I even suggested my husband cook or help with logistics, but that fell flat. The experience was frustrating, exhausting, and disappointing. It made me question how healthy these family traditions really were if they demanded sacrificing self-care and mutual respect.
In the end, I decided to stand my ground, despite some family members resenting me. I know my limits, especially during my busiest work season, and I won’t let anyone guilt me into hosting a major holiday event unprepared or unwilling. Hopefully, this will start a conversation about clearer communication and shared responsibilities in future family gatherings. Respect and understanding should come first in any tradition, no matter how long it’s been practiced.
